I finally told those kids to stop bothering me. I told them that I didn’t want to judge their pie eating contests anymore. I didn’t want to arm wrestle them. I don’t care if they made a T-shirt with my face on it. I don’t care how many marshmallows they can put in their mouths and still whistle. I told them that I am a busy executive who plans to take over the world using kids like them. My only use for kids is to make them buy the garbage nobody else wants and that I was tired of them distracting me. They looked pretty sad as they left my office. Even the puppy they were carrying looked bummed out. But that’s not my fault, right? We all have a job to do. It is much better without them coming around every two minutes asking me some lame questions…right? Right?

…

I’m so lonely.